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About Varied / Hobbyist The Three Hundred and Fiftieth EMale/Australia Groups :iconwwii-allies: WWII-Allies
 
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The Empire of the Mind :icone350tb:E350tb 11 14 Mabifica 2D :icone350tb:E350tb 8 4 Death of a Pirate :icone350tb:E350tb 3 4 On His Brittanic Majesty's Service :icone350tb:E350tb 4 6 Professional Pirate :icone350tb:E350tb 6 5 The Thin Red Line :icone350tb:E350tb 5 4
Literature
Steven Universe - The City on the Hill - 15
Sixteen
"How did you miss?!"
"It was a small target! And I panicked!"
Steven, Connie, Amethyst and Peridot gazed over the side of the Discovery, watching in horror as Red Beryl registered the missed projectile.
Red Beryl looked towards the Discovery, her lips thinning as she narrowed her eyes.
"O...kay we definitely made her mad," said Connie, swallowing.
Red Beryl stood up, turning towards the ship. She dropped Sardonyx' hammer into the sea and clenched her fists.
"If you desire so much to be sunk," she growled, "Then sunk you shall be."
"Oh no you d..."
Red Beryl turned around and grabbed Sardonyx by the neck, lifting her into the air. Her gauntlet glowed, and ropes of water emerged from the sea, entangling her arms and legs.
"You," snarled Red Beryl, "You will watch this."
She turned away from her, looking towards the Discovery.
"Okay, this...this is bad," said Steven, shaking his head.
Red Beryl raised her arms. Behind her, a massive
:iconE350tb:E350tb
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Sheriff Giffany - (The Mystery Shack - Promo) :icone350tb:E350tb 9 9 DYOS - The Mysterious Organisation :icone350tb:E350tb 2 8 DYOS - General Heinrich von Luther :icone350tb:E350tb 2 10 DYOS - Freeman :icone350tb:E350tb 1 5 DYOS - Major Micheal McManus :icone350tb:E350tb 2 7 DYOS - Director Andre Javert :icone350tb:E350tb 1 20
Literature
Steven Universe - The City on the Hill - 15
Fifteen
The door to the bridge flew open, and Captain Student, Stokes and Emerson raced inside. Lapis followed just behind as the First Officer grabbed the wheel.
"All ahead, Mr. Stokes!" thundered Student, "Get some distance between ourselves and that island!"
"Aye sir!" replied Stokes, pushing the lever next to the wheel to full steam.
The ship lurched suddenly. Captain Student and Lapis looked out the window to port - the waves were getting choppy and the wind was quickly picking up.
"I don't suppose that's natural," grunted the Captain.
The ship lurched again and he nearly lost his footing.
"Look, you can control water, right?" he said, turning to Lapis, "Can you keep the ship upright?"
Lapis nodded, raising her arms. The ship lurched back to port, stabilising momentarily in the waters.
"Hold on," she warned, "This is going to get bumpy."
 
"All hands, man your stations, we have a Code Red. I repeat, all hands, man your stations..."
Amethyst ran into the corridor
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It Figures :icone350tb:E350tb 6 12
Literature
Two Books
Two Books

There are two new books in the history section today. They are both about the same thing.
They tell of a battle. A battle in a war a century ago, in a little part of France around Amiens. They both claim to tell the same story, and they are both priced the same.
One tells a tale of heroes. It is a roaring narrative, of brave, bronzed Anzacs fighting the faceless and nefarious Hun at the gates of Paris. Brave characters to a man, joking, cheerful, unrepressed by military discipline or the social mores of Old, Decedent Europe. They win the admiration of all Frenchwomen - bemoaning the wilted manliness of their own effeminate and weak menfolk (never mind Verdun), they open their houses, their arms and most importantly their legs for these paragons of masculinity. These men receive no help from their 'allies', who deserve more scorn than the Hun - the Frenchman is simply steamrolled in faraway places, while the British - utterly craven and worthy of no respect to a
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This is the stuff that I liked. Derpy derpy derp.

Critiques


An excellent photograph, calm but at the same time forboding - one imagines a Japanese soldier waiting for the inevitable attack, waiti...

This is the second time this week I’ve used that line on the internet. In any case, I’ve decided to do a trailer analysis of the new Pirates of the Caribbean trailer because I’ve got nothing better to do with my life.

Full disclosure: I put very real and serious thought into skipping this one because, for a variety of reasons that I’m sure you’re aware of, I have very little time for Johnny Depp at the moment. That being said, there are no other decent pirate movies, television programs or games of note about pirates in the near future to look forward to, Geoffrey Rush is in it and I’d watch that man read the White Pages, and a lot of this movie was filmed here and I want to support the local film industry if I can. So now that that’s...

...what was that?

Yes, I am aware Black Sails exists.

No, no, I said decent pirate media.

Okay, now that that’s out of the way, let’s analyze a trailer.

1 by E350tb

Okay, whatever else you might say about this trailer, this shot is beautiful. Plus, we get everything we need in the very first second - the captain of this ship hunts pirates, and he is very good at what he does. Take notes, Lord Cutler ‘I Have Two Broadsides?’ Beckett. The choice of song is a bit obvious but I won’t judge the classics.

The ship is very definitely a war galleon and I think the pirates are all in brigs of various descriptions (think HMS Interceptor from the first film). I know nobody else cares about this but I do.

2 by E350tb

Here we see the Captain and his crew, and those who watched the last film can recognize them as Spanish. I’m not as well versed in Spanish uniforms from this period as I am with the British and French, so I’m not sure how accurate these are, but then again this movie series has a Kraken in it so who the hell cares?

Our antagonist (I think his name is Captain Salazar but I’m not sure) narrated, telling us that pirates have infested the seas for generations. Honestly I’m not finding a lot antagonistic about wanting to clear that up, but I have a problem with rooting for the Navy in these films (At World’s End notwithstanding - in any case, those guys were the East India Company so it’s okay to root against them).

3 by E350tb

After a few shots of wrecked ships and pirates overboard and a close up of Salazar, we get this shot of Spanish marines (I think they’re supposed to be marines, they’re soldiers and they’re on a ship after all) firing on a ship right next to them. In the interests of not being a rivet counter, I ignore that they’ve using British muskets.

I’m not sure how practical the towers at the back are but they’re pretty cool.

4 by E350tb

oh no

As for what's he's (edited to be) looking at, it's the one, the only...

5 by E350tb

OH GOD KILL IT WITH FIRE

I mean, it's not bad CGI, far from it, but there's just something distinctly creepy about this. I'm not even usually somebody who picks these things up - didn't notice them de-age Robert Downey Jr in Civil War and I thought Rogue One did a great job with Tarkin, but this just feels too smooth, you know? And the lighting looks just subtly off.

Oh, and there's the compass. I would have noticed it more except I was screaming.

6 by E350tb

We cut to Salazar and his ship giving chase to Jack's ship towards Improbable Triangle Island. I'm liking the set design here.

7 by E350tb

IT'S THE BLACK PEARL

Well, sort of. It seems the be the Black Pearl before it was famous, BUT STILL

8 by E350tb

Half of my brain thinks this is awesome. The other half is moaning 'oh, bullshit.' This is a totally unrealistic maneuver and if he tried it in real life Jack would be dead, but it's not really that kind of movie, so I'll shut up.

9 by E350tb

Salazar makes about the same face I did. Jack gives him the stink eye and it honestly makes him look kind of like a jerk.

10 by E350tb

In retrospect, it was a bad idea to contract Michael Bay to built the ship.

11 by E350tb

For some reason (maybe some genius stowed the powder right at the front of the ship), the ship explodes spectacularly and all the crew die. I honestly feel kind of bad for them. All they were doing was fighting pirates, man.

12 by E350tb

All of the cool ships die young. Narrator Salazar tells me this episode filled him with rage.

13 by E350tb

*record scratch* "Hi, I'm Captain Salazar! You might be wondering how I got into this situation! Well, it's a long story..."

Anyway, it seems that Salazar is now a zombie goast, thus establishing our anatagonist. It's a good start, although perhaps I'm sympathising with him a little too much. Good start Bruckheimer, let's see if it holds.

We cut to the present...

14 by E350tb

Captain Barbossa, the Pirate I Was Looking For, is consulting with some kind of...I'm not sure what that woman's supposed to be, to be honest. Anyway, Plot-Device Woman tells Barbossa that 'the dead have taken command of the sea'. Which means either zombies or the British have started sending their oldest admirals to the Caribbean to get them out of the way. One or the other.

15 by E350tb

I'm sorry, I can't resist. Anyway, the Black Pearl is still in a bottle. Still wondering how Blackbeard managed that, but ah well.

16 by E350tb

A woman in a cell writes mathematics on the wall. As you do.

17 by E350tb

We then cut to this, which I think is Salazar's ship, a little worse for wear but now capable of eating other ships. Fair trade.

18 by E350tb

I'm reasonably sure this is the Queen Anne's Revenge, although the lack of red sails gives me slight pause.

19 by E350tb

When a giant rotting galleon comes up to you, jumps out of the water and apparently towers above you, this is definitely the face you make. Barbossa narrates, telling me that he heard tales of a man who killed 'thousands' of pirates. Which seems excessive, I'm not sure there were that many pirates in the Caribbean at...it's not that kind of movie, I'll just shut up. We cut to Salazar correcting him - not men, pirates.

20 by E350tb

He's been through the wars, poor man.

21 by E350tb

We then get our protagonists looking dramatically at the camera, and also a bunch of British marines. Let's be honest, I already know who I'm rooting for. I make no apology.

22 by E350tb

I can't quite identify these two ships, but the one in the foreground looks like the early!Pearl, so it might be the chase from the start of the film.

23 by E350tb

Look how sad he looks
I just want to hug him
I don't think I'm supposed to sympathise with him but I will anyway

We get a scene of Jack saying that he once knew a Spanish captain named 'something in Spanish'. Ha. A fellow in a British uniform warns Jack that Salazar is coming for him while we get shots of him attacking a Royal Navy officer.
24 by E350tb

We get a shot of Jack's grew. We can definately make out Gibbs and I think the short one (Marty) from the first three, and I have been told Murtogg and Mullroy should be somewhere in there too, but apart from that, I can't really recongnise anybody specific. We also get a shot of Jack sliding down a street because we've already shown physics the door here.

Then British chap realises Jack has no pants on.

25 by E350tb


Also, where the hell are that guy's crossbelts? He's out of proper uniform! Somebody put him on a charge!

26 by E350tb

I don't recognise this ship but I think it's the one Jack sails in lieu of the Pearl. I like it, looks nice.

27 by E350tb

I think this is some kind of volcanic island, and the ship in the background might be the Queen Anne's Revenge again but I don't want to say anything concrete. I can definitely see Barbossa and possibly the Maths woman. The other guy's hard to make out but I think it's Scrum, the ancillary pirate from On Stranger Tides.

28 by E350tb

Here's a good shot of Salazar's crew in daylight, so you can make up a bit of detail on them. He looks like he's about to dab here but I think he's making some kind of gesture. We can also see some prisoners tied up jkust behind foreground person, who I think could be Maths lady.

29 by E350tb

As Salazar demands Barbossa find Jack, we can get a decent look at what is definitely the deck of the Queen Anne's Revenge.

30 by E350tb

Barbossa does his best Inspector Javert impression.

31 by E350tb

Hector Barbossa shoots the screen, and I wish he was the main character.

32 by E350tb

We see British fellow restrained as he yells 'from this moment on we are to be allies'. Not sure who he's yelling at. Jack? The British? Barbossa? Maths Lady? Who knows? Marine left has one heck of a war face, though.

33 by E350tb

Gallows rescue, because that's a standard trope (I don't mean that in a bad way). Also, joke about ankle touching. GET IT, BECAUSE PEOPLE IN OLDEN TIMES WERE PRUDES

34 by E350tb

We cut to Jack giggling. Very nice editor. Also, yep, that's definitely Marty.

35 by E350tb

Jack apparently upsets every marine in Port Royal. <s>Get him, lads.</s> We then see Jack jump of an exploding building, leading me to believe it's not just Jack that's the problem today.

36 by E350tb

Zombie. Shark.

We get a quick look at Jack the Monkey, The Best Character, and then we get this.

37 by E350tb

Bullshit. It's going to make money and they're going to want further money at some point and greenlight another one. Maybe it can be a prequel about Norrington or Davy Jones. Those would be lovely.

38 by E350tb

Jesus zombies.

We get some scenes of Jack being chased by Salazar between two ships, and then we get this.

39 by E350tb

The Black Pearl. In the present, in the flesh. Aw yeah.

We get a few more shots of what I think might be the climax, and then the title. And then another HUEHUEHUE PAST PEOPLE ARE PRUDES joke.

I'm going to admit, I'm cautiously optimistic. It honestly looks pretty good from what I've seen, although Jack has reached the point where he's started to become exhausting. Maybe with other main characters to balance against this time, he'll be a bit better (he didn't quite have that in On Stranger Tides, Barbossa aside, and I think he suffered for it.) In any case, I'll be keeping my eye on it.

Now, everybody go into the comments and tell me I'm wrong about Black Sails being rubbish. Go on, off you go, you little scamps. :)

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E350tb
The Three Hundred and Fiftieth E
Artist | Hobbyist | Varied
Australia
Current Residence: Behind you.
Favourite genre of music: Military Marches
Favourite style of art: Cartoon
Operating System: Windows 7
MP3 player of choice: Uhh...(leans over) iPod Touch, it says. I know nothing of this stuff.

Favourite Characters:
SBSP: Spongebob, Patrick, Sandy, Squidward
FOP: Timmy, Cosmo, Wanda, Chester, AJ, Poof
DP: Danny, Tucker, Vlad, Jazz, Jack, Dani (don't ask me why I don't like Sam as much - I do like her, though.)
JN: Jimmy, Carl, Sheen
GF: Dipper, Mabel, Soos, Wendy, Grunkle Stan
Other: The Tenth Doctor, the Master (Doctor Who); Jenny (My Life as a Teenage Robot); Zim, GIR (Invader Zim); Arnold (Hey Arnold); Milhouse (The Simpsons); Male!Shepard, Tali, Kaidan, Captain Anderson (Mass Effect).

Personal Quote: "Winston has a hundred ideas a day, of which four are good." - Franklin D. Roosevelt
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:iconzimsmostloyalservant:
ZimsMostLoyalServant Featured By Owner Mar 9, 2017
Just found and read your Rise and Fall series. Ever consider doing similar mockups for other wars/events/etc?
Reply
:icone350tb:
E350tb Featured By Owner Mar 9, 2017  Hobbyist General Artist
I've wanted to do ones on WWI and the Cold War, but it might take time for them to come.
Reply
:iconzimsmostloyalservant:
ZimsMostLoyalServant Featured By Owner Mar 9, 2017
Okay. No need to rush. I was just curious.
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:iconel-thorvaldo:
El-Thorvaldo Featured By Owner Mar 7, 2017  Hobbyist General Artist
Reply
:icone350tb:
E350tb Featured By Owner Mar 7, 2017  Hobbyist General Artist
Awesome! Do I need to post anywhere?

poor wreck'd christos
Reply
:iconel-thorvaldo:
El-Thorvaldo Featured By Owner Mar 7, 2017  Hobbyist General Artist
Not 'til the game proper, unless you had something special in mind.

dat music tho
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:icone350tb:
E350tb Featured By Owner Mar 7, 2017  Hobbyist General Artist
Has anybody done any 1860s-era redcoats for Civ2/3? I'm tempted to use those. They have a nice aesthetic, y'know?

aye
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(1 Reply)
:iconsolmaster11:
SOLmaster11 Featured By Owner Edited Feb 21, 2017
You have to see this to believe it. :)

www.youtube.com/watch?v=B8I8vh…
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:icone350tb:
E350tb Featured By Owner Feb 22, 2017  Hobbyist General Artist
That was three minutes well spent. I'm not sure about the new show just yet but it's really nice to see DP again after...ten years, I think?

Anyway, thanks for sharing it!
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:iconsolmaster11:
SOLmaster11 Featured By Owner Feb 22, 2017
I don't know about Bunsen either, but I'll admit he does look nice in traditional animation rather than flash. And it is amazing to Danny Phantom after all this time...and in HD.

You're welcome. I thought you'd get a kick out of it.
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